Before we dive in, I want to be clear about where many of these ideas come from. The principles shared here are inspired by two resources that have shaped how I think about parenting: Mindset by Carol Dweck, and 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do by Amy Morin. What follows isn’t theory—it’s what these principles look like in real life, with real kids, and very imperfect parenting.
When we hear growth mindset, we usually think about kids—encouraging them to try again, praising effort, and reminding them that mistakes are part of learning.
But here’s the part we often miss:
parents need a growth mindset just as much as children do.
I practice what I call imperfect parenting. With three kids (ages 5, 3, and a newborn), parenting feels like a daily lesson in humility. Some days I feel confident. Other days I’m reminded—usually before breakfast—that I still have a lot to learn.
And that’s exactly where growth begins.
Parenting Is a Skill You Can Grow
Carol Dweck’s research highlights the difference between a fixed mindset (“This is just how I am”) and a growth mindset (“I can learn and improve”).
Applied to parenting, that shift sounds like:
- I’m not bad at patience—I’m practicing it
- I’m not failing at discipline—I’m refining it
- I’m not behind—I’m learning
Amy Morin reinforces this idea by reminding parents that mentally strong parents don’t label themselves—or their kids—as “good” or “bad.” They focus on growth, not perfection.
Strong-Willed Kids Aren’t a Problem
I thought my oldest was strong-willed… until I had my daughter.
Her determination initially felt exhausting, but through a growth mindset lens, I came to accept something important:
I would much rather raise a child who stands firmly for their values than one who crumbles for anything.
Strong-willed kids don’t need to be controlled—they need to be coached. Amy Morin emphasizes that mentally strong parents don’t try to change their child’s personality. Instead, they help kids learn emotional regulation, responsibility, and confidence.
That shift—from control to guidance—was a major growth moment for me.
Discipline Is a Refining Process
Discipline and consequences are still a work in progress for me.
I’ve reacted instead of responded. I’ve used shame when I shouldn’t have. Both Dweck’s and Morin’s work remind us that shame shuts down growth, while accountability paired with connection builds it.
This is where I often think about Stephen Covey and the idea of personal relationship bank accounts from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Every moment of listening, repairing, apologizing, and showing empathy makes a deposit. Over time, those deposits matter far more than a single parenting mistake.
Thankfully, kids are incredibly forgiving—and relationships grow when we keep investing.
Growth Requires Discomfort
Avoiding uncomfortable conversations doesn’t make them disappear—it just delays them.
Both Mindset and 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do highlight that resilience is built by leaning into discomfort, not avoiding it. Whether it’s emotions, values, or mistakes, growth-minded parents engage rather than withdraw.
I personally believe we’ll keep being tested until we pass—so leaning in early builds trust later.
Comparison and Guilt Undermine Growth
Carol Dweck warns that comparison reinforces a fixed mindset. Amy Morin reminds parents that mentally strong parents don’t let guilt drive decisions.
The healthiest comparison—for kids and parents alike—is progress over perfection.
I’m not perfect.
Why would I expect my kids to be?
Parenting Is Growth in Action
Everyone has a mom and dad to enter the world.
But parenting?
Parenting is messy, refining, and growth-producing.
Parenting (noun):
The ongoing process of guiding a child while being shaped in the process.
You don’t have to get it right every day.
You just have to stay willing to grow.
And that may be the most powerful lesson of all.
